“Well, that was easy to do. Big dogs need big beds. Little dogs need little beds. Why make big problems out of little problems?” (Big Dog…Little Dog, P.D. Eastman)
A Decision to Make
As parents (or adults who have people that depend on us), we are often the big dogs with big problems, or at least the big dogs with big decisions to make.
I’ve homeschooled our children for the past five years, and we are currently discerning sending our eldest children to a brick-and-mortar school next year.
It’s not because homeschooling is going terribly. Though messy days come with the territory, homeschooling has been a gift to our family.
It’s because I see and sense my eldest two entering into a different developmental phase, and my husband and I believe a certain kind of brick-and-mortar could be a great partner for our family as we strive to help our children grow into the people God has created them to be.
We’ve done our research, gone to the info nights, and sought counsel from trusted people in our life. Now, we have a decision to make.
And it feels like a big one—because it is actually a big one.
It would require financial sacrifice and trust. It would change our family’s daily rhythms. It would mean less, or at least different, time together.
Perhaps you are also discerning something, wanting and needing to make a big decision, and you are left with questioning or indecision: What choice will best serve those who depend on me? What choice best serves God? What is the right decision to make?
Incertitude
In Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Father Jacques Philippe, there’s a section entitled “Unrest When We Have Decisions to Make.”
Sometimes a decision does not require or deserve extensive deliberation. For example, “Should I buy the dark chocolate bar with sea salt or the dark chocolate bar with orange zest?” The answer is obviously, “Both.”
Joking aside, when we have a big decision to make, we would prefer God would make the answer abundantly clear for us. Locution or a billboard sign would work just fine.
But that often does not happen, and God allows us to make the decision using our free will with goodwill.
Fear of Making the Wrong Decision
But, what if we make the wrong decision?
That is certainly a possibility, but what if that fear has more to do with us than anything else.
Fr. Philippe speaks the truth in love here:
We would love to be infallible, to never be wrong, but there is a lot of pride in this desire and there is also the fear of being judged by others. The one, on the contrary, who accepts peacefully the idea of being wrong from time to time and accepts that others know it manifests true humility and a true love of God. (Searching for and Maintaining Peace, 74)
So, even if we do not make the correct decision, it is not the end of the world (though it sometimes feels that way for our egos!). There are practical solutions that can bring about good even when a mistake is made, especially when we believe that God desires our good and the Holy Spirit is abundantly creative.
Freedom & Trust
And still, we want to make a good decision, especially when the decision concerns those we love. So, what are we to do?
First, when making a decision leads us into excessive fear or discouragement, we can be sure we need to look up and turn around. These things are not of God and will not help us make our decision.
Second, there comes a time, when after prayer and deliberation, we must simply make a decision to the best of our ability and hand it to God with a spirit of freedom and trust, not grasping and torment.
We might say this prayer together:
God, I believe this is a good decision; it is at least the best I can make with what I know and have. I trust you can and will bring good out of it because you are the source of all good. I also trust that if I need to make a change your Holy Spirit will reveal and guide me in that at the proper time. Thank you for the gift of my free will. Continue to teach me to use my free will for good and to trust in your presence with me and those I love. Amen.
I've prayed since my children were small to make the right decisions for their education, and at different times that has looked like different paths. In the fall, my daughter started a brick and mortar Catholic high school. Going in, I told her we had to commit to it at least until Christmas. She withdrew at Christmas break and we are back homeschooling. Why did God have us take this path? I don't know, but it was a life experience. Nothing has to be permanent with education. If you believe traditional school is the right decision, you can try it out for a time and see what happens and that reevaluate if needed. Sending prayers for your discernment.